Monday, 10/03/05

SPRING HILL — The Lord is on Pastor Ann Bassett's side every day.

But on Saturday, the judges were on her side, too.

Bassett, who presides over Peace Lutheran Church in Spring Hill, used her true calling to take top honors in the hog-calling contest at Saturday's Country Ham Fest.

Strutting across the stage in a neon pink boa, she bellowed out, "Glorrrrrry! Here, sinner, sinner, sinner! Merrrrrcy! Here sinner, sinner, sinner!

The crowd went hog wild.

Heck, you'd of thought there would be an altar call, after that performance.

But… Bassett was up against a tough competitor.

Violet Allen, 84, of Spring Hill, has been calling hogs all her life.

"PoPoPoPiggggg!'' Allen shrieked, causing toddlers to plug their ears.

"I've called a lot of hogs in my time,'' Allen said to the crowd, who roared their approval.

The judges scratched their heads, marked their ballots and held their breath.

The result?

A tie.

Bassett, reveling in her role, grinned and flounced back on stage to share the $200 grand prize with Allen.

It was quite a picture, a boa-flipping preacher and an overall-wearing grandmother — both taking home the bacon.

Appropriately enough, the hog-calling contest began with politicians.

Sure they know pork projects, but can they call hogs?

Columbia Mayor Barbara McIntyre dazzled everyone with a glass-shattering "Sooooeey! Pig! Pig! Pig!'' that earned her the top prize.

McIntyre told the crowd she had only learned to call hogs that morning from her son-in-law Eddie Ables, "who, for those of you who don't know him, has the loudest and biggest mouth of anyone in the county.''

She learned well.

A snout-sporting elementary school student, Ayden Harrison, walked away with grand prize in his division, making grunting sounds only a mother could love.

And Joshua Merrill took the teen division with his customized calls that included puckering-kiss sounds and baleful pleas to come eat.

Beyond hog calls, the festival also saw its share of colorful characters — from hookers, rug, that is, to the owner of a "hamery.''

"I'm from G.W. Hamery of Murfreesboro,'' Bob Woods said proudly. "We just made that up. You know, like 'bakery.' ''

Ah, how our language evolves.

Woods, who was conducting mini-seminars on how to cure a ham, showed off a wall of awards then offered a taste of an angel biscuit with shaved country ham.

"We made 7,000 of those last year,'' he said.

Heck, he could have sold 7,000 of them on Saturday.

They were, as Pastor Ann Bassett would say, "heavenly.''

It's a good thing Maury Regional Hospital was conducting free blood pressure tests, because there were country ham biscuits, country ham sandwiches, country hams on display and country hams competing for prizes.

It was definitely a pig-loving crowd. •